This is the story of Frank Christ
(Loosely based on the over imaginative mind of a man with too much time on his hand)
Chapter 3 – I know tons of shit…
I don’t want to toot my own horn but I’m a very smart person. You know when people use the term “it’s not rocket science”? The simple truth; if it was rocket science… I wouldn’t even break a sweat! Listed below are many things I played a role inventing:
- The diaper
- Ice Cube Tray
- Red Bull Energy Drink
- E=MC2
- San Francisco
- Grunge Music
- The One Night Stand
- Turtle neck sweaters
- Bugs Bunny
- White-faced Whistling Duck
- Meatloaf
- Candy Canes
- The Ice scraper
- The Aspirin
- The Corndog
- 3D Glasses
- The Windsor knot
- Make-up Sex
- Spam
- Fogless Glass
I understand that society has led you to believe that people like Einstein invented E=MC2 or that Walt Disney came up with Bugs Bunny! However, I was the one who pulled many of the great historians of the world out from the gutter. For example, Einstein sold his soul to Lucifer (funny story) and I had to bail him out!
Jesus is always saying things like “Frank, they will never learn if you keep showing them way”. I think that just BS; I mean if my brother and God were singing a different tune during the “Winged Angels Union Strike”! Back then it was all “Frank you’re the man” and “You’re the only one who can make this happen”.
During the Angels Strike, I was the only one to walk across the line (well pearly gate) and continue working. Do you know what it’s like to have 14,836, 566 angels calling you a scab? I still have no idea what they went on strike for; if I recall, it was something about the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”! In fact, I heard they were close to striking again when some dip-shit director decided it would be cool to have John Travolta play an angel. I’d be pissed too if I was angel, that guy’s part of Lucifer’s growing religion… Scientology!
I’m only mentioning some of my above ideas and inventions to help you better understand why I have decided to start my new business. It was amazing how I came up with it; almost as cool as how Doc Brown came up with the idea of the flux capacitor (which is what makes time travel possible) after slipping off his toilet while standing on it to hang a clock and bumping his head.
You see a few years ago I thought it would be cool to come up with a way all the young people of today’s society could socialize and interact with one another. I was never a big fan of chat rooms on the Internet; have you seen “To Catch a Predator” with Chris Hanson? I wanted to make a popular social networking website offering an interactive, user-submitted network of friends, personal profiles, blogs, groups, photos, music and videos for teenagers and adults internationally.
So I called my old friend Moses (who owed me a huge favor) and we created a little website called “Myspace”. What, you thought “Tom” created Myspace. How do you think it would look if I would my real name? That would be horrible; “Myspace, Powered by Frank Christ”!
